If not now, then when?

As November comes to an end, I realized that I haven't ran a 5K this year, as my goal is each year. The days are getting shorter and colder, and the year is just about over. Yes, I walked to Teaneck from the Upper West Side, and yes, that was 13+ miles... but that had nothing to do with my goal. My goal is to complete a 5k distance each calendar year.

Last night, I was in the car thinking of all the reasons last night would be a terrible night to complete my goal: I messed up my ankle last week, I have a bad cough, it's dark, it's late, it's cold, I'm too lazy, I'm too tired, and the list goes on and on... I realized that I can come up with 100 excuses every single day for why I cannot complete the 5k, but more importantly, I have one very big reason TO complete it-- I can. So last night, I wrapped my bad ankle, put on my sneakers and ran in the 45 degree night from my apartment to 73rd and broadway and back to my apartment-- 3.42 miles. Yes, I coughed most of the way and had to walk as I wheezed, and yes my ankle swelled up to new sizes when I got home... but none of that mattered. I did it!

There will always be 100 reasons not to do something, but it is the most important thing to find the one reason to drive you to run in the cold with a messed up ankle, and a chest situation because at the end of the day, I completed my 2015 5k. This is probably what that Pirkei Avot* was talking about...




* Pirkei Avot (Hebrew: פרקי אבות‎) (also Pirkei Avoth or Pirkei Avos), which translates to English as Chapters of the Fathers, is a compilation of the ethical teachings and maxims of the Rabbis of the Mishnaic period. 

"Don't count the days, make them count!"

6 months from today will be my 3 year Gammaversary-- why is that a big deal? Because that day will determine if my braincapades are over and will be just a weird memory. 6 months feels like tomorrow but at the same time feels like it could take longer than the last two and a half years. As I thought about how these 6 months might affect me, I realized that nothing will change in my life. I will still say modeh ani every morning when I wake up, I will still stay optimistic about life, I will still get in bad moods when I things get annoying, I will still stay up late watching FRIENDS and regretting it in the morning,  I will still love my job and all things giraffes, I will still be drawn to everything that has to do with brains and I will still educate people on brains to the best of my ability. So, I found the quote that fits my feelings about the next 6 months.... I will not count down the days--  I will make every day count, as I try to always do; I will continue seeing my neurologist and keeping my stress level low; I will keep starting diets on Monday mornings :-P, but most of all, I will not count down days because that is just a waste of time.

Let Your Faith Be Bigger Than Your Fear

So before I write about todays update, I want to give a gigantic shout out to my awesome friends and co-workers who have truly supported me the last few days-- I appreciate you all more than you can know!!

I had my two year gamma-check-up MRI last week on Monday. I had received a report from the radiologist on Tuesday stating all was the same except for a "draining vein that redemonstrated." I tried to stay calm and think shrinking thoughts. Preparing of the worst possible scenario, I made peace with every outcome they could have given me. But I lost sleep and had no appetite while I waited for the call from Arizona-- it was the not knowing that was eating me up and I was a mess. But my faith was bigger than my fear and I was ready for anything they were going to tell me. After a lot of stress and, ironically, a headache, Arizona got my scans and read them.

The AVM is reacting to the treatment, as per this "redemonstrated" vein, and the AVM is stable even though it has not shrunk since last year. The redemonstrated vein is a draining vein and not a feeder vein to the AVM, meaning that there is no threat of it rupturing the AVM; it is working at draining the blood from the AVM as it pumps in. They said results like this in the second year check up are perfectly normal, but they do expect a huge reaction on the AVM's walls from year two to three so start thinking shrinking thoughts for my next check up in April 2016!

So while I did not get the shrink I was hoping for, I did get good news of a stable and appropriately reacting AVM. And with that, I can sleep for the first time all week.

Everything is AWESOME!!!

HAPPY 3 YEAR BRAINAVERSARY!!!

I cannot believe its been 3 years already, still feels like a few months ago. 

People have asked me why I celebrate the brainaversary today when it wasn't even the final surgery, and it was the day of the complication... 

I celebrate my brainaversary because February 23rd, 2012 was the day that I learned what being strong means,  today is the anniversary of the day that I put all of my faith in G-d and fearlessly walked in to what should have been a terrifying surgery, the anniversary of the day I met the most amazing nurses at Roosevelt Hospital, the anniversary of the most seemingly unfair day that ended up changing my life, it's the anniversary of the day I survived... I celebrate to celebrate life. 

There are thousands upon thousands of reasons not to smile every second of the day. But as long as you are reading this, you woke up this morning and that is a beautiful reason to smile.

Find the beauty in the mundane. Whether it be brains, or some other weird organ... chose something that changed you, chose something that inspires you, chose something that intrigues you, smile about it, laugh about it.... celebrate it! 

It's 28 degrees out but it feels like awesome!

I have always been somewhat of a procrastinator, but this time I really outdid myself. I made myself a promise that I would complete a minimum of 1 5K every year since I relearned to walk. I did the color run in 2013 surrounded by friends and family; but, somehow, 2014 got away from me without completing any 5Ks....
With 1 day left in 2014, I had to keep my promise to myself. So, I got home from work today, put on two pairs of socks, two pairs of pants, two shirts, a scarf, a jacket, gloves and a hat and in 28 degree evening windy weather, I went for a run. I have not been training AT ALL for this, so I was nervous I would not be able to successfully complete this goal. I calculated a route down Broadway, so I would have the 1 train as a safety, in case I got too tired or unable to complete the 5K on this freezing evening. From my apartment to the Times Square 2 train, on Broadway, calculated to exactly 3.2 miles... 5 kilometers. PERFECTION!
I started with running, after a few blocks I was out of breath and feeling it in my legs already... only 3.1 miles to go!
I turned my itunes on on my phone and ran to my music, a mixture of slow jogging, fast running, walking... kept checking my pedometer app to see how far I had gone and then I saw 2.78 miles, I was feeling so incredible that I began running. Running through the crazy tourist pedestrians. Running for the last 10ish blocks until I completed my 5K!
The adrenaline was rushing through me, I didn't even care that I was running right into Times Square on the eve of New Years Eve. Hundreds of people were squished like sardines in the barricaded sidewalks, tourists standing in the middle of the sidewalks, starring at the ball... but I just kept smiling. Smiling until I made it to the train, which turns out was a total of 3.91 miles from my apartment*. So, not only did I complete a 5K with hours left of 2014, I finished with almost an extra mile!
I nearly let 2014 go without keeping my word, and I will not cut it that close again in 2015. I cannot take my walking/running for granted! I feel so accomplished, and blessed-- what a great way to end the year!

Happy New Year Everyone!!

*Turns out, when the crosswalks would say 'don't walk', I would cross the street, rather than going straight. I didn't want to stop moving, and apparently, that added walking added distance to the pedometer, making my 5K end a few blocks earlier than expected. But that's okay! Because I was able to accomplish more than just a 5K!!

Life update!

So I don't have any major brain updates-- saw my neurologist last week and everything is still stable and seemingly working-- so that's good news!  

I just wanted to use this post to reflect for a minute. When I went in for my first surgery I was a senior in college, months from graduating... I had hopes of getting a teaching job out of college, starting my masters, and moving to the city; but, because of the complication, I essentially had to put my life on hold for 2 years so I could recover and get the second treatment. 

I have so much going on now, I am getting ready to start my first year working in a PreK classroom, in a fantastic school; graduating my masters degree in June (dual masters!) and moving to the city this week!! It took me two years, but I finally have all of my dreams coming true and I couldn't be happier or more grateful!!! 

Time to pack!! 

xox

50% of the time, it works, every time.

I went for my follow up for the one year MRI with my neurologist today. He gave me back my scans and we discussed them. He told me that he had the head radiologist at Beth Israel look over my scan along side him. He said that they both agreed that there was a substantial shrink in the AVM. So I asked him if he had a percentage of how much it shrunk and he didn't have an exact size because it's hard to do that without having an angiogram... but based on their reviews of the external size of the AVM from the original scan 2 years ago and the scan from a month ago he would guesstimate it shrunk FIFTY PERCENT!!!!! That's crazy considering that they didnt expect to see any shrinkage yet, and my AVM shrunk by HALF ITS SIZE!!!!!

So I just had to share the great news with everyone!!! 

xox