If not now, then when?

As November comes to an end, I realized that I haven't ran a 5K this year, as my goal is each year. The days are getting shorter and colder, and the year is just about over. Yes, I walked to Teaneck from the Upper West Side, and yes, that was 13+ miles... but that had nothing to do with my goal. My goal is to complete a 5k distance each calendar year.

Last night, I was in the car thinking of all the reasons last night would be a terrible night to complete my goal: I messed up my ankle last week, I have a bad cough, it's dark, it's late, it's cold, I'm too lazy, I'm too tired, and the list goes on and on... I realized that I can come up with 100 excuses every single day for why I cannot complete the 5k, but more importantly, I have one very big reason TO complete it-- I can. So last night, I wrapped my bad ankle, put on my sneakers and ran in the 45 degree night from my apartment to 73rd and broadway and back to my apartment-- 3.42 miles. Yes, I coughed most of the way and had to walk as I wheezed, and yes my ankle swelled up to new sizes when I got home... but none of that mattered. I did it!

There will always be 100 reasons not to do something, but it is the most important thing to find the one reason to drive you to run in the cold with a messed up ankle, and a chest situation because at the end of the day, I completed my 2015 5k. This is probably what that Pirkei Avot* was talking about...




* Pirkei Avot (Hebrew: פרקי אבות‎) (also Pirkei Avoth or Pirkei Avos), which translates to English as Chapters of the Fathers, is a compilation of the ethical teachings and maxims of the Rabbis of the Mishnaic period. 

"Don't count the days, make them count!"

6 months from today will be my 3 year Gammaversary-- why is that a big deal? Because that day will determine if my braincapades are over and will be just a weird memory. 6 months feels like tomorrow but at the same time feels like it could take longer than the last two and a half years. As I thought about how these 6 months might affect me, I realized that nothing will change in my life. I will still say modeh ani every morning when I wake up, I will still stay optimistic about life, I will still get in bad moods when I things get annoying, I will still stay up late watching FRIENDS and regretting it in the morning,  I will still love my job and all things giraffes, I will still be drawn to everything that has to do with brains and I will still educate people on brains to the best of my ability. So, I found the quote that fits my feelings about the next 6 months.... I will not count down the days--  I will make every day count, as I try to always do; I will continue seeing my neurologist and keeping my stress level low; I will keep starting diets on Monday mornings :-P, but most of all, I will not count down days because that is just a waste of time.

Let Your Faith Be Bigger Than Your Fear

So before I write about todays update, I want to give a gigantic shout out to my awesome friends and co-workers who have truly supported me the last few days-- I appreciate you all more than you can know!!

I had my two year gamma-check-up MRI last week on Monday. I had received a report from the radiologist on Tuesday stating all was the same except for a "draining vein that redemonstrated." I tried to stay calm and think shrinking thoughts. Preparing of the worst possible scenario, I made peace with every outcome they could have given me. But I lost sleep and had no appetite while I waited for the call from Arizona-- it was the not knowing that was eating me up and I was a mess. But my faith was bigger than my fear and I was ready for anything they were going to tell me. After a lot of stress and, ironically, a headache, Arizona got my scans and read them.

The AVM is reacting to the treatment, as per this "redemonstrated" vein, and the AVM is stable even though it has not shrunk since last year. The redemonstrated vein is a draining vein and not a feeder vein to the AVM, meaning that there is no threat of it rupturing the AVM; it is working at draining the blood from the AVM as it pumps in. They said results like this in the second year check up are perfectly normal, but they do expect a huge reaction on the AVM's walls from year two to three so start thinking shrinking thoughts for my next check up in April 2016!

So while I did not get the shrink I was hoping for, I did get good news of a stable and appropriately reacting AVM. And with that, I can sleep for the first time all week.

Everything is AWESOME!!!

HAPPY 3 YEAR BRAINAVERSARY!!!

I cannot believe its been 3 years already, still feels like a few months ago. 

People have asked me why I celebrate the brainaversary today when it wasn't even the final surgery, and it was the day of the complication... 

I celebrate my brainaversary because February 23rd, 2012 was the day that I learned what being strong means,  today is the anniversary of the day that I put all of my faith in G-d and fearlessly walked in to what should have been a terrifying surgery, the anniversary of the day I met the most amazing nurses at Roosevelt Hospital, the anniversary of the most seemingly unfair day that ended up changing my life, it's the anniversary of the day I survived... I celebrate to celebrate life. 

There are thousands upon thousands of reasons not to smile every second of the day. But as long as you are reading this, you woke up this morning and that is a beautiful reason to smile.

Find the beauty in the mundane. Whether it be brains, or some other weird organ... chose something that changed you, chose something that inspires you, chose something that intrigues you, smile about it, laugh about it.... celebrate it!