Let Your Faith Be Bigger Than Your Fear

So before I write about todays update, I want to give a gigantic shout out to my awesome friends and co-workers who have truly supported me the last few days-- I appreciate you all more than you can know!!

I had my two year gamma-check-up MRI last week on Monday. I had received a report from the radiologist on Tuesday stating all was the same except for a "draining vein that redemonstrated." I tried to stay calm and think shrinking thoughts. Preparing of the worst possible scenario, I made peace with every outcome they could have given me. But I lost sleep and had no appetite while I waited for the call from Arizona-- it was the not knowing that was eating me up and I was a mess. But my faith was bigger than my fear and I was ready for anything they were going to tell me. After a lot of stress and, ironically, a headache, Arizona got my scans and read them.

The AVM is reacting to the treatment, as per this "redemonstrated" vein, and the AVM is stable even though it has not shrunk since last year. The redemonstrated vein is a draining vein and not a feeder vein to the AVM, meaning that there is no threat of it rupturing the AVM; it is working at draining the blood from the AVM as it pumps in. They said results like this in the second year check up are perfectly normal, but they do expect a huge reaction on the AVM's walls from year two to three so start thinking shrinking thoughts for my next check up in April 2016!

So while I did not get the shrink I was hoping for, I did get good news of a stable and appropriately reacting AVM. And with that, I can sleep for the first time all week.

Everything is AWESOME!!!

HAPPY 3 YEAR BRAINAVERSARY!!!

I cannot believe its been 3 years already, still feels like a few months ago. 

People have asked me why I celebrate the brainaversary today when it wasn't even the final surgery, and it was the day of the complication... 

I celebrate my brainaversary because February 23rd, 2012 was the day that I learned what being strong means,  today is the anniversary of the day that I put all of my faith in G-d and fearlessly walked in to what should have been a terrifying surgery, the anniversary of the day I met the most amazing nurses at Roosevelt Hospital, the anniversary of the most seemingly unfair day that ended up changing my life, it's the anniversary of the day I survived... I celebrate to celebrate life. 

There are thousands upon thousands of reasons not to smile every second of the day. But as long as you are reading this, you woke up this morning and that is a beautiful reason to smile.

Find the beauty in the mundane. Whether it be brains, or some other weird organ... chose something that changed you, chose something that inspires you, chose something that intrigues you, smile about it, laugh about it.... celebrate it! 

It's 28 degrees out but it feels like awesome!

I have always been somewhat of a procrastinator, but this time I really outdid myself. I made myself a promise that I would complete a minimum of 1 5K every year since I relearned to walk. I did the color run in 2013 surrounded by friends and family; but, somehow, 2014 got away from me without completing any 5Ks....
With 1 day left in 2014, I had to keep my promise to myself. So, I got home from work today, put on two pairs of socks, two pairs of pants, two shirts, a scarf, a jacket, gloves and a hat and in 28 degree evening windy weather, I went for a run. I have not been training AT ALL for this, so I was nervous I would not be able to successfully complete this goal. I calculated a route down Broadway, so I would have the 1 train as a safety, in case I got too tired or unable to complete the 5K on this freezing evening. From my apartment to the Times Square 2 train, on Broadway, calculated to exactly 3.2 miles... 5 kilometers. PERFECTION!
I started with running, after a few blocks I was out of breath and feeling it in my legs already... only 3.1 miles to go!
I turned my itunes on on my phone and ran to my music, a mixture of slow jogging, fast running, walking... kept checking my pedometer app to see how far I had gone and then I saw 2.78 miles, I was feeling so incredible that I began running. Running through the crazy tourist pedestrians. Running for the last 10ish blocks until I completed my 5K!
The adrenaline was rushing through me, I didn't even care that I was running right into Times Square on the eve of New Years Eve. Hundreds of people were squished like sardines in the barricaded sidewalks, tourists standing in the middle of the sidewalks, starring at the ball... but I just kept smiling. Smiling until I made it to the train, which turns out was a total of 3.91 miles from my apartment*. So, not only did I complete a 5K with hours left of 2014, I finished with almost an extra mile!
I nearly let 2014 go without keeping my word, and I will not cut it that close again in 2015. I cannot take my walking/running for granted! I feel so accomplished, and blessed-- what a great way to end the year!

Happy New Year Everyone!!

*Turns out, when the crosswalks would say 'don't walk', I would cross the street, rather than going straight. I didn't want to stop moving, and apparently, that added walking added distance to the pedometer, making my 5K end a few blocks earlier than expected. But that's okay! Because I was able to accomplish more than just a 5K!!

Life update!

So I don't have any major brain updates-- saw my neurologist last week and everything is still stable and seemingly working-- so that's good news!  

I just wanted to use this post to reflect for a minute. When I went in for my first surgery I was a senior in college, months from graduating... I had hopes of getting a teaching job out of college, starting my masters, and moving to the city; but, because of the complication, I essentially had to put my life on hold for 2 years so I could recover and get the second treatment. 

I have so much going on now, I am getting ready to start my first year working in a PreK classroom, in a fantastic school; graduating my masters degree in June (dual masters!) and moving to the city this week!! It took me two years, but I finally have all of my dreams coming true and I couldn't be happier or more grateful!!! 

Time to pack!! 

xox

50% of the time, it works, every time.

I went for my follow up for the one year MRI with my neurologist today. He gave me back my scans and we discussed them. He told me that he had the head radiologist at Beth Israel look over my scan along side him. He said that they both agreed that there was a substantial shrink in the AVM. So I asked him if he had a percentage of how much it shrunk and he didn't have an exact size because it's hard to do that without having an angiogram... but based on their reviews of the external size of the AVM from the original scan 2 years ago and the scan from a month ago he would guesstimate it shrunk FIFTY PERCENT!!!!! That's crazy considering that they didnt expect to see any shrinkage yet, and my AVM shrunk by HALF ITS SIZE!!!!!

So I just had to share the great news with everyone!!! 

xox

And a very happy 1 year gammaversary it is!!

Tomorrow makes 1 year since gamma knife. CRAZY!!! How has it been a year, I feel like I was just in Arizona last month... My tan hasn't even faded!! (okay it has-- that was for dramatic effect)
So I went for my one year MRI check up yesterday. The doctor in Arizona had told me that the 1 year MRI was to make sure there's no swelling or lesions or bad things... But they don't expect to see any shrinkage until year two. Meanwhile, I just got the report from the neurologist.... Guess who's AVM is so ahead of its time that it SHRUNK!!!! (Btw the answer is me, in case that wasn't clear.)
Yayayayay my AVM shrunk!!! That means that the gamma knife is doing exactly what it was supposed to do and that I'm responding well to the treatment! No swelling, no lesions, no bad things, only shrinkage! Great day! It's not totally gone yet tho, I have to wait to hear back on the exact measurements of what's left; but who cares?? IT SHRUNK!!! So hopefully my brain continues to rock this and by my 2 year gammaversary I'll have even better news to share!!!

YAY Team!!!

HAPPY TWO YEAR BRAINAVERSARY!!

Two years?? That's crazy! In some ways in feel like it's been 2 months and at the same time it feels like 10 years.
I know I've said it a lot throughout my posts but I really can't say it enough, I truly appreciate each and every one of you who has helped, guided and supported me along this journey.
Two years ago today it was a beautiful morning! February 23rd 7am and I went into the hospital wearing a t-shirt-- no jacket was required because it was so nice out! I thought that was a sign that the surgery would go beautifully and I would be home recovering in 72 hours, and never have to worry about an AVM again. Boy was I wrong.
After a 2 week stay in the hospital, 8 months of rigorous physical therapy and another surgery a little over a year later, here I am.
But even if I could, I would not change a thing about what happened two years ago.
Not being able to walk taught me so much about myself and my inner strength; it taught me how precious life is and how everything can change in one second; it taught me the importance of family and friends and how blessed I am to have such incredible people in my life. These last two years have taught me to never take anything for granted-- and for that newfound appreciation for life, I could not even dream of changing a thing about what happened.
So now for my update. It's been two years since my infarction and I am 100% back from that. It's crazy because while I know I'm 100% back, there are still things that amaze me that I'm able to do every day. Like, walking quickly through Times Square and weaving in and out of tourist pedestrian traffic; or, running up or down stairs without holding a banister; or, walking on the edge of the sidewalk like a balance beam; or, running across the street when the red hand stopped blinking and I have 2 seconds before oncoming traffic starts speeding towards me haha. It's incredible how far I have come.
I have been going for my routine check ups to my neurologist who is very pleased with my recovery from both the initial surgery as well as the gamma knife I had in April. I will need to go for a 1 year follow up MRI at the end of April to see if the gamma knife did what it was supposed to do-- so I guess that will be the next update.
Until then, thank you so much for all of your support-- there is no way I could be here without it!!!
HAPPY TWO YEAR BRAINAVERSARY, EVERYONE!!!